Trip down the creek

I haven’t been getting much sleep lately. Since late December last year, actually. The reason being that I’m in a massive Dawson’s Creek phase. And if you’re not a DC fan or haven’t watched a single episode, then I suggest you click the x button now.

Still here? Okidoks.

It started when I was searching youtube for a video of Carrie Underwood’s version of God Bless(ed) the Broken Road. Among the videos I found was a compilation of Pacey-Joey moments, set to the same song sung by its original singer, Rascal Flatts. Perfect. Perfect perfect song for them (later on I realized that the song was actually Joey and Dawson’s – it played in the background as they simultaneously realized their feelings at the end of Season 1. But I insist that it fits Pacey and Joey better :p).

Anyhow, I was hooked. Memories flooded in, and the quest for the perfect Christmas gift ensued. I egged Mark to get me the complete series. Being the good boyfriend that he is, he obliged and made several trips to Makati Cinema Square before finally getting a working 6-DVD set. Then during our office Christmas party, I won a portable DVD player. And this, my friends, was when my nostalgic, unstoppable spiral into the land of hyper-verbal, psychoanalytic teenagers officially began.

I’m halfway through the fourth season now, after crying a number of times in Season 3, which for me is probably the most heartwarming, optimistic season. Season 4, on the other hand, is the most heart-wrenching. The range of emotions is wider and more intense than in the previous seasons. It was in this, their senior year, when they actually grew up and faced the consequences of their decisions. And, as Jack aptly told Joey, “there are no right or wrong choices, just a bunch of choices.” Choices that had an impact on their lives in big ways. Getting together, drifting apart, letting go, holding on, ending. No other season after this (there were two more) had such…significance.

I also remember that it was this season when I started to really hate Joey. I just finished the episode where Pacey finds out that Joey lied to Dawson about her and Pacey having sex. For the life of me I couldn’t and still can’t find the reason for Joey’s inconsistency, for such an irrational response to Dawson’s question, which came from nothing but friendship. Dawson was finally accepting Joey being with Pacey, and now she hurls him off-track with such a lame lie. And she says she loves Pacey? Bah. I remember it was around this time when I decided that I would watch the show for Pacey and Pacey alone. Joey can go to hell and Dawson, well, Dawson was, at this point, pretty much irrelevant. Pacey had stolen the girl and the story from him just as Joshua Jackson stole the acting spotlight from James Van Der Beek.

Season 4 had the best and worst. One of the best episodes was, of course, the ski trip. Which made me hate the writers even more because how could they make Joey out be such an asshole after that episode? And the worst, the very worst episode of this season was the prom (Promicide). That just killed me. It killed everyone. I could imagine people standing up and walking out, or crying in anger.

Oh well, bygones. And I’m rambling.

I was telling a couple of friends yesterday how the finale of the series was set in 2008. At 25 years old, the main characters had finally gotten their acts together. The ending? Typically Dawson’s Creek – self-referential, analytical, eloquent, bittersweet.

People tend to underestimate the impact of DC on television and on my generation. DC has the distinction of ushering the new wave of teen-oriented shows post-90210. Its successors in one way or another attempted to imitate its wit, capacity for extended verbal sparring and ability to make its characters intelligent and normal at the same time. Nothing came close though. Not even The OC, with its endless barrage of monumental conflicts far more serious than those that were introduced in Dawson’s room and thereabouts.

See, it wasn’t the gravity of the circumstances or problems at hand, but how they were treated and addressed by the characters. The thing about DC is that they dealt with issues – whether mundane or earth-shattering – in an adult way, albeit in the body of teenagers and amid growth spurts and hormonal imbalances. It was both youthful and mature, and so the moments and lessons resonate, at least for me, even beyond my adolescence. In the case of life imitating art, I think the show helped polish (for better or for worse) my then burgeoning overanalytical, neurotic ways. It reinforced my excessively introspective takes on myself and my world. At the very least I found something I could identify with – growing up too fast, feeling old despite my lanky, obviously undeveloped body, the weight of real and imagined responsibilities on my shoulders, fear of failure and risk, and all that angst that was brought to life only in the mind. At the same time it helped me realize there were more important things than my ability to rationalize my existence and perspective – infinitely more important things like friendship, integrity, and unconditional love.

“I love you. I mean, I always – I have always, always loved you. But our timing has just never been right…I also want for you to be happy. It's really important for me that you be happy. So I want you to be with someone, whether it be Dawson or New York Guy or some man that you haven't even met yet. But I want you to be with someone who can be a part of the life that you want for yourself. I want you to be with someone who makes you feel like I feel when I'm with you. So, I guess the point to this long run-on sentence that's been the last 10 years of our lives is just that the simple act of being in love with you is enough for me. So you're off the hook.” - Pacey

Ah, yes, the love. It could fill up pages.

But let’s put that on hold for a while, perhaps until I finish the very last episode. Let’s just say that there was lot more going on in that little town called Capeside than sex, recklessness and self-awareness.

I was 15, I think, when I first met Dawson, Joey, Pacey and Jen. Ten years later I am, like them, 25 years old, and in some ways I do think I've gotten my act together. I feel like I grew up with them. And still growing up. I'm still discovering some of the lessons they've taught me. On the other hand, they will never really grow old for me.

If there's anything Dawson and I have in common, it's that we firmly, without any doubt, believe in happy endings. What makes them happy is not that the problem has been resolved and the story has come to a definite, cheery close. Far from it. Happy endings are transitions, pivotal moments that reinforce your faith in the belief that whatever happens from this point on, whatever problems may still arise (and they will, along with triumphs and everything in between), things are still going be alright. Because your life is a beautiful, amazing product of what has been, and a promise of what will be.

The credits may roll, but in many ways, the story has just begun.

“And now that this scared little girl no longer follows me wherever I go, I miss her. I do. 'Cause there are things I wanna tell her... to relax, to lighten up, that it is all going to be ok. I want her to know that meeting people who like you, who understand you, who actually accept you for who you are, will become an increasingly rare occurrence. Jen, Jack, Audrey, Andie, Pacey, and Dawson. These people who contributed to who I am, they are with me wherever I go, and as history gets rewritten in small ways with each passing day, my love for them only grows. Because the truth is... it was the best of times. Mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learned, but all of that has receded into fond memory now. How does it happen? Why are we so quick to forget the bad and romanticize the good? Maybe it's because we need to believe that the time we spent together actually meant something, that we were there for each other in a time in our lives that defined us all, a time in our lives that we will never forget. I can't swear this is exactly how it happened. But this is how it felt.” - Joey